20/10/2015

I’m so happy at the minute, like this is odd but it’s also stupidly scary. Every time i’m happy and I feel up a height, everything crashes down. I don’t wanna feel so happy to be dropped which is why i always chose to stay unhappy because nothing can get worse, right?

Like, despite sixth form and the other aspects of my life which are bringing me down; i’m so happy lately. Maybe it is because of someone and I hate that someone can make me so happy because when they leave, they leave with my happiness too. As happy as I am, I wish i could be happy independently but also be happy with someone but right now, i’m so content being happy due to someone because I genuinely haven’t felt this okay in a long, long time.

Not only does this person make me ridiculously happy, he’s possibly the best person i’ve ever met. Like we’re so compatible and alike, it’s crazy, he’s an absolute idiot and i’m grinning like an idiot just writing this hahaha. I’m so smitten, it’s crazy.

Since breaking up with my previous boyfriend and being involved with other people since,  I’ve never made a big deal out of speaking to boys and never allowed myself to feel anything for them however, this is something else. Like we haven’t met yet but it’s just different, it feels like it could be something.

I’m seeing him next week and I couldn’t be more excited.

This probably sounds naive and possibly stupid but I really had nothing else to write about and he’s the first thing which comes to my mind so yeah, if you’re reading this, I promise i’m not gay lol.

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7/9/2015

I’m so grateful that people read my last post, never mind liking it or even commented!

So tomorrow, I start sixth form. This is a huge step for me because I still don’t believe that I’m smart enough to attend sixth form. With only getting 6 A-C’s in my GCSE’s, I don’t have the confidence like everyone else does. I met a lot of people in my tutor and their choices of A-Levels are well, a lot more academic than mine. Mathematics, physics, history, chemistry? That sound’s bloody awful lol. Starting Monday I’ll be studying English Literature, Media, BTEC Law and GCSE Maths (I failed lmao)

I know myself that A-Levels are a huge jump from GCSE and i’m terrified, I know people who got the same grades as me and struggled a lot in sixth form which resulted in them dropping out. I can’t drop out. I have no idea what I want to do with my life and going to sixth form seems like the only logical idea. I mean both my brother and sister have graduated from uni with amazing degree’s and theres now a stupid amount of pressure on me to do as well as them. It just scares the shit out of me because I have no idea in which direction is gonna go. The future is terrifying.

I mean I’m happy to leave school, obviously. Having to get up and pretend  that I was okay to my so called friends was mentally straining. Nevertheless, i’ve left all that behind and I’m looking for happiness.

Introduction (??)

Ah, these things are always awkward to start. I genuinely have no idea what I want out of starting a blog but it was a suggestion from someone who I care for dearly, plus he’s normally right. I guess this is going to be a way of expressing myself and opening up to everything, kind of like a public diary.

I’m already stuck on what to write to continue this post so I guess talking about myself would be the right way to go about it?

I’m Paige, I’m 16 years old and I live in County Durham, for those who don’t know where that is, it’s basically Newcastle but no, I don’t have a Geordie accent, thankfully. I get called “The Hippie” out of my friends because I love animals, the concept of world peace, equality, religion/culture (although I’m not religious myself). I spend most of my time reading, reloading my social media sites out of boredom or at Nandos. I do genuinely enjoy writing and journalism but half of the time I’m totally oblivious to what i’m writing about.

As I said, I’d be using this as a way to open up and express myself; I suffered with an eating disorder, self harm and depression. After overcoming self harm and being so close to recovering from an eating disorder, I am slowly but surely getting better everyday however, like everyone, I do have my bad days where I lose all motivation to get up, eat or even shower (Sounds gross but unfortunately that’s the consequences of depression) but, them bad days are becoming less frequent! I’m a pessimist attempting to become an optimist.

After that super deep paragraph, I thought I’d finish of by saying I still have no idea what I’m doing so don’t cringe at my blog quite just yet, give me time.

And with that, I bid you goodnight.